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Fark U.S News

Working for the government comes with some great perks, like job stability, posh benefits packages, and in many cases, the need to pay taxes [Asinine]

Not only is driving with early Alzheimer's ill-advised, studies now show it might also be ill-advised as well [Interesting]

Smoking hot cougar that had been prowling near high school turns out to be a male. Just like that hooker you picked up the other night [Amusing]

A boardwalk is a lovely place to have a wedding... provided that the boardwalk can support all of your chunky asses [Amusing]

Somali pirates attempt attack on Dutch warship with expected results [Fail]

Archbishop of New York calls out NYPD police commissioner, and St. Patrick's Day parade grand marshal, for being late to church. Fortunately the commissioner had a good excuse [Hero]

Larry Flynt to write history of presidents' sex lives. Suggested titles include "From Johnson to Bush" and "There's A Reason They Called Millard 'Fillmore'" [Interesting]

A possible factor in Type 2 diabetes risk is antici- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [Interesting]

If you beat the murder charges, but you did actually commit the murder, the first thing you do shouldn't be to write a taunting letter to prosecutors detailing the crime. Unless you want that to also be the last thing you do [Dumbass]

Disgruntled ex-employee of car dealership accused of remotely disabling 100 customer's cars over the internet. In other news, your car dealer can apparently disable your car over the internet [Scary]

Last chance to sign up for 2010 Fark NCAA Tournament Pick'em. Search for Fark, no pword required. Duke sucks [Cool]

Health officials reveal that most brain injuries the result of falls, accidents, reruns of "Two and a Half Men" [Obvious]

A possible factor in diabetes risk is antici- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [Interesting]

Today's Fark-Ready headline "Sleeping man shocked after cold man jumps into bed" [Obvious]

Cutest pics you'll see today of a Persian cat taking a dip in the family pool [Sappy]

The Pentagon official who allegedly boasted of running his own private team of "Jason Bournes" is finally speaking out [Interesting]

Coffee, tea, or flight attendants in hot pants? [Amusing]

Five of the 10 plants with the highest amount of mercury emitted are in Texas, which explains a lot [Scary]

Giant hovering pliers attack house in England. I say, shall we all panic? Quite [Scary]

Photoshop theme: This will not end well [Photoshop]

Cable glitch replaces children's TV with Playboy channel for the BEST TWO HOURS EVER [Amusing]

43-year-old woman arrested for alleged sex act with student (w/ "hell yes" pic) [Dumbass]

Jon Stewart: "He's just like our last president". Texas school board member: "Somebody needs to stand up to the experts" Jon Stewart: "Wow he really is just like our last president." [Amusing]

Bus driver who won £2.3 million lottery the day after getting a divorce vows to share his jackpot with his ex-wife. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG [Fail]

Behold the horror that is the Steve Jobs cheese head. Good luck trying to get to sleep tonight [Scary]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - pation [Interesting]

Health officials reveal that most brain injuries are the result of falls, accidents, reruns of "Two and a Half Men" [Obvious]

Man ends his electrician career to become a conductor [Sad]

Armed robber goes to a grocery store, pulls out a knife, and demands cash. Do the other customers: a.) hold him at gunpoint until the cops arrive, b.) tackle him and take his knife away, or c.) bring him down with a hail of vegetables? [Amusing]

In case your faith in humanity wasn't shaken enough [Asinine]

Fark U.S News

Gambling GILF grievously gyps guru, galled gaolers grab granny [Dumbass]

Officer forced to take evasive action to avoid getting struck by A) gunfire, B) car, or C) penis [Interesting]

Insurance company does the right thing by helping those most in need. Just kidding, they pick out people in a database who probably have life-threatening illnesses and investigate them for fraud so they can drop their coverage [Sick]

Ex-vegan gives talk to vegans. do they c)burn her face with capiscum while the audience cheers? [Sick]

Living in your car with 23 animals? That's a finin' [Weird]

Correctional officer at the Cook County Jail was fired for bringing DVD's to work to watch; DVDs of Discovery Channel's "Cook County Jail" series [Dumbass]

Proving that some people just can't take a hint, a Nova Scotia woman has been incorrectly declared dead by authorities - for the second time [Strange]

What does a one year old Happy Meal look like? [Sick]

Police suspect flees biting dog [Obvious]

Add some color to this bleak landscape [Photoshop]

Pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers, and hot lead [Fail]

Ex-vegan gives talk to vegans. Do they: c) burn her face with capiscum while the audience cheers? [Sick]

Cracked presents the Cliffs Notes version of Drew's book for free: Six ways the media disguises BS as fact [Misc]

"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting missile strike against an Al Qaeda leader." "Interrupting missile strike aga-" *KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM* [Spiffy]

Theme of Farktography Contest No. 254: "Farkitecture" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme [Farktography]

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