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Fark U.S News

Teacher suspended for spending too much time teaching about the Holocaust. You know who else spent a lot of time on the Holocaust? [Asinine]

Couple marries inside Walmart, will be eligible for rollback prices on inevitable divorce proceedings [Sappy]

Armed men rob adult store, beat it before police arrive [Misc]

Top five reasons your sushi chef hates you [Obvious]

New Mexico National Guard deploys 82 troops to border, that's about one soldier every 2.2 miles [Scary]

Rescue squad volunteers arrested after taking their ambulance to buy glaucoma medication [Dumbass]

Stephen Hawking is the devil because of his malicious distortion of the Divine Truth. With a picture of what Stephen Hawking as the devil may look like [Amusing]

NJ firefighters called to put out an alligator [Strange]

Nigerian prince has temporary condition as Princess, has baby, turns into Prince again, has large inheritance for you if you only send $5,000 and a nanny [Unlikely]

Fire tornados, erupting volcanoes and killer jellyfish. The next 3-D movie disaster? Even worse. IT'S A SLIDESHOW [Scary]

Dietary supplements: The daycare snowflake silencing sleep-inducing so you can chill out medicine [Scary]

Pregnant woman stabs lover's wife in the head 8 times with a Sonic screwdriver [Strange]

Ohio tourists capture irrefutable proof that there be monsters off the shore of Clearwater [Florida]

See 'Miracle on the Hudson' - in Legos [Amusing]

Chinese officials are forcing families with the last name "Shan" to change it, because it requires a character that can't be typed in standard word-processing programs. In fact, you might say, the fit has hit the Shan [Interesting]

Principal bans short skirts on campus. Except for the cheerleaders. "It is tradition that they wear their uniforms on game day" [Florida]

Armed men rob adult store, beat if before police arrive [Misc]

Officer: "Maam where did you place the handcuffs you managed to wiggle out of?" Woman: "um i don't know... oh here they are... Right here in my personal glove box" with uncomfortable news achor video goodness [Dumbass]

Photoshop this doggy directive and shopping cart [Photoshop]

Tapped Chilean miner sends wedding proposal to his sweetheart. Article is useless without picks [Sappy]

Oil seen seeping from site of Gulf platform explosion. This is also not a repeat from April [Followup]

Things you might forget and leave behind at the beach: a watch, sunglasses, towel, fetus. Wait, what? [Weird]

Farker's father going to become the first Canadian to command the space station. As there is no proud tag, cool will have to suffice [Cool]

Family rights campaigners flip upon hearing that girls aged 12 can get cervical cancer vaccine without parents' consent. Likely to die of shock when they find out 12 year old girls have sex without parents' consent too [Obvious]

Evolution has been caught in the act as egg-laying lizard gives birth [Cool]

US authorities indict eleven executives for smuggling illegal honey into the US. Oh bother [Silly]

Pregnant woman stabs lover's wife in the head eight times with a Sonic screwdriver [Strange]

There's a movement afoot on the internet to get Stephen Colbert to hold a "Restoring Truthiness" rally on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. This could get epic [Cool]

SAS searching for gay couple to join the mile high club [Interesting]

Police say gunman killed at Discovery Channel HQ yesterday was motivated by his hatred of shows like "Jon and Kate Plus Eight". So really, he wasn't all bad, then [Followup]

Fark U.S News

Man holds intruder at bay with a grilling fork and steak knife until police arrives. Well done [Amusing]

UCLA fires a 36-year veteran professor for daring to posit that second-hand smoke effects are bunk. Teaching communism and income redistribution still A-OK [Stupid]

Woman whose car broke fall of 39th-floor jumper annoyed that she just had oil changed [Sad]

Photoshop this bookworm [Photoshop]

Oil rig in Gulf of Mexico just South of Lousiana explodes. This is not a repeat from April [NewsFlash]

Nose-diving hawk halts mail delivery. "The attacks got so bad that she was resorting to wearing a bicycle helmet" [Weird]

Showing the country is becoming more Americanized every day, Afghan government forced to bail out the country's largest bank to keep it from collapsing after it invested heavily in risky real estate ventures [Obvious]

Tow truck driver takes kids for a ride. Beneath his truck, still in their stroller. Drugs may have been involved [Dumbass]

Walmart book section has something to (Jim) Crow about [Fail]

Marjiuana's effect as a...umm...gateway drug are like..what's that word...overblown [Obvious]

Being upset that your estranged wife is seeing a new man is understandable; flying to another country to stab her mother is not [Sick]

Oil rig in Gulf of Mexico just south of Louisiana explodes. This is not a repeat from April [NewsFlash]

There's a new breed of patent troll out there [Interesting]

Officer arrests man because he doesn't like his bagel with locks [Sick]

Your Fark-ready headline of the day: "Thieves Steal Man's Car, Money And Pants" [Strange]

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